Mind Your Own God Damn Business

Hey.

Since about Saturday, I’ve been working on a paper about OPEC and how to fix its problems. At first, I was planning to put a warlock in charge of the organization, and then he could solve all of their problems with a little economic strategy that I call “magic”.

Countries cheating on quotas? Wave the wand and make their wells overflow with hot, ropey and relatively worthless horse semen instead of sweet Arabian crude for six months as punishment. Large oil-producing countries like Russia and Brazil refusing to join your cartel, making it hard for you to manipulate prices? Send in an army of skeleton centaurs to “persuade” them. Making all of your money off of a finite resource that you will one day run out of, leaving your economy in shambles? Make everyone trade in their cars for skeleton centaurs.

Skeleton centaurs that will turn on their masters if OPEC isn’t compensated handsomely, that is.

Assuming that you’re willing to suspend your disbelief about a warlock running OPEC, it’s an air-tight strategy.

Unfortunately, our teacher told us yesterday that our plan has to be relatively realistic, meaning that for the past four days, I have been completely fucked. I’ve been hacking away at the paper ever since.

And that is why I’ve done a shitty job of updating. It’s not my usual laziness. It’s that I’m focusing all of my energy into coming up with a strategy for fixing OPEC without using a single mind meld or reanimated corpse, which, by the way, is far more challenging.

I apologize for the inconvenience. I would also like to point out that although it’s short and school related, I put more into this post than “sorry I haven’t been updating enough, I’ve been so busy!”, because people have built entire blogs that are nothing but apologies for their lack of content, and those blogs suck.

Now, I’m afraid, I have to re-focus all of my writing energy into a REALISTIC solution. I put the word “realistic” in caps to imply that if I were saying it out loud, it would be with a tone and facial expression that would lead you to believe that I was retarded. I would also be doing jazz hands to really drive home just how moronic the whole concept is.

In my absence, please enjoy this Meagan-Fox-on-SNL-unfunny three and a half minute hate crime that I found on youtube.

I don’t know what Air Farce is, but I know what it’s not.

Funny.