Mind Your Own God Damn Business

So, at six PM, I went over to a friend’s house to watch a couple of episodes of season 2 of The Wire. I figured I would watch them, maybe hang out a little bit after that and then head back home.

I did watch those two episodes, and decided that season 2 is highly underrated, but then I ended up hanging out for a while longer. Eight hours and what seems like seven or eight gallons of cheap beer later, I finally stumbled home and sat down in front of my computer.

I have this problem when I drink; at first, I get a little bit loopy. Then, I get kind of drowsy and start slurring my speech.

Finally, I become completely convinced that I need to complete stupid, unimportant tasks.

Not on my shift motherfucker!

Case in point: After coming home at 2 AM, I decided that I HAD to trim my nose hair and start a load of laundry. Why? I have no idea. I have plenty of clean clothes. My nose hair was a perfectly acceptable length before I cut it. Certainly not long enough that I couldn’t just wait until I was sober to take care of it. Nonetheless, I decided that there was no way that I could reasonably go to sleep with medium length nose hair. It had to be trimmed and it had to be trimmed RIGHT AWAY.

It looks fantastic now, but that’s not the point. This happens every time I drink, and it doesn’t make any sense to me. I’m a lazy, lazy man who has trouble motivating himself to even put on a pair of pants, but give me some alcohol (which, for those of you who don’t know, is a depressant), and before you know it, I’m re-alphabetizing my books by title instead of author or frantically detailing my next door neighbor’s car at three in the morning, all with the kind of urgency and intensity that I would normally reserve for a burglar or a house fire.

And now, there’s something else that I’m super-intense about: Sleeping my ass off. Because of that, I have no choice but to end this post and hop into bed. I’d write more, but I’m already so tired that I’m a little bit worried that my bed isn’t structurally sound enough to handle the full-contact slumbering that I’m about to engage in. Honestly, I’m afraid I might sleep that son of a bitch in half, and if I get any more tired, I might end up damaging the foundation of the house.

I’m not really sure what I’m talking about right now. I think it’s time to step away from the keyboard before I embarrass myself any further.

Oh, I’m a little bit late jumping on any wagon that doesn’t involve metal, but Kevin turned my onto The Bad Plus. I’ve been enjoying them ever since he told me that I should start listening to them.

Here.

Good night.

Good lord my nose hair looks AWESOME.