All of you need to shut the fuck up about Obama being our next president. You are all jinxing the fucking election, and if McCain wins, so help me God, I am going to firebomb all of your houses before offing myself. Just put a lid on it and pray that this isn’t a repeat of 2000 or 2004.
I don’t care about the 7 point lead in the polls, or his estimated 98.2 percent probability of of winning on fivethirtyeight.com, or even the landslide victory that a lot of news sources are predicting. Kerry had a big lead in exit polls. Gore won the popular vote. The Denver Broncos were favorites against the Miami Dolphins, who have Chad Pennington as their starting quarterback. For those of you who don’t follow football, if NFL players were dining establishments, Chad Pennington would be Applebees. Applebees is a relatively solid backup plan, but never a first choice. The food at Applebees is edible (technically), but nobody eats there unless the place that they wanted to go to is closed or it has a two hour wait. That’s Chad Pennington.
Yet despite exit polls, Kerry lost. Despite winning the popular vote, Gore lost. And despite playing against the Applebees of professional football, the Broncos lost.
So until Obama has been sworn in and is sitting down in the oval office, I will not believe that something isn’t going to happen to fuck this up. I have spent eight long years watching an inept retard run the country into the ground, and you assholes better not ruin this for me with your smug overconfidence. Just put a lid on it for the next 24 to 48 hours. If he makes it in, you can all be as happy as you want while I let out a sigh of relief and get the opportunity to hope that something positive will happen to our country for the first time in eight years.
Until then, shut up.
And seriously. Fuck the Dolphins.