Mind Your Own God Damn Business

So, my ten year high school reunion was last night.

I spent a lot of time trying to decide if I was going to attend. At first I was strongly against it. I yelled about how I had kept in touch with everyone that I was interested in keeping in touch with from high school, that I hadn’t really known that many people in my class anyway, that only losers did that shit, etc.

Then, I said “Fuck it” and went anyway.

Part of the reason was that I’ve been coming to terms with the fact that I’m not quite as much of a loser as I used to think I was. Starting at about the time that I would’ve finished college if I’d done it in four years and ending about three months ago, I’ve been constantly down on what a failure I am, how I’ve squandered my life, how I will die alone and penniless and so on and so on.

I’ve realized recently that that’s not quite true. It might not work for some people, but despite my belief that happiness is impossible to achieve without finishing college in four years and then making at least sixty grand a year, I seem to be happy. So I’m going to try to just keep moving towards the goals that I currently have and spend less time worrying about doing it the right way. As long as it’s fun for me and sustainable, I think I’m actually probably doing things right.

The reason I’m going all Tony Robbins on you and telling you this is because, when I’m being entirely honest with myself and not rationalizing, a large part of the reason that I didn’t want to go to the reunion was because I was kind of afraid and ashamed of how the last ten years have gone. I had these vague images in my head of showing up at the reunion and having all of my conversations go something like:

Me: Hey, how are you, Beatrice?
Bea: I’m good. I make, like, one hojillion dollars a month, because I have a PhD that I got in 4 years. I live in France and am married to John Elway. I’m really really hot and when I take a dump, fresh, hot rice crispy squares come out instead of poop. (Presents a plate) Care for a square?
Me: Awesome. These are really good!
Bea: I know. So what have you been up to?
Me: Well, I’m a substitute teacher-
Bea: -and I’m unimpressed. The fact that you don’t make a lot of money negates any respect I had for you. We are no longer friendly acquaintances. Good bye.
Me: If you don’t mind, I’m just going to follow you around and hold a basket under your ass. Those rice crispy treats are really good.
Bea: I do mind.
Me: Damn it.

Strangely enough, this was not the case.

First of all, the trip to the reunion reaffirmed my belief that I’m probably not a complete loser. There were plenty of people there doing things that were more or less equal in pay and dignity to what I was doing. I would say that if you were to plot all of us out, I was probably a little bit to the right of center on the bell curve. Second of all, no one gave a shit. One of my old buddies from high school who is now apparently an investment banker and married to what appeared to be a pretty awesome girl was still interested in catching up even though we have differently sized bank accounts.

It was also interesting to see people that I had forgotten about, or people that I hadn’t been friends with in high school that are pretty cool now. That one should’ve been obvious to me, because two of my close friends who live in town are people I went to high school with but didn’t become friends with until after graduation, but it never occurred to me that some of the other people that I went to high school with might be awesome too. Lesson learned.

I don’t remember much else about the night, because I was kind of uncomfortable and so I got pretty wasted. I think it went well, but I always think that things are going well when I’m drunk, even if nobody else does when I’m exposing myself to the Creed cover band and screaming out requests for Slayer and Warrant as loud as I can in between every song. for all I know, I may have taken a dump on one of the tables, and it was probably not like rice crispy treats.

I guess that I won’t know until the 20 year reunion.

Final Verdict: The 10 year reunion was kind of weird and uncomfortable, but it was for everyone that went, not just me. Guilty. Of being far more painless than I originally expected.

I know that this is the first time I’ve blogged in something like 3 months, and that this is a pretty weak way to make my return, but it’s gonna have to do. I probably don’t have any more readers now anyway.

See you in three more months.