I have a little entrepreneurial proposition for everybody who reads this.
I was talking to my girlfriend yesterday, and I was asking about one of her friends who waits tables for a living. I asked her if he had any plans to do anything besides wait tables. Apparently he kind of does, but his plans for life after serving are usually kind of half-baked schemes that he doesn’t put the necessary effort into (sound familiar to anyone? Well fuck you guys.) For a while, he was planning to become a stand up comic, after that he was going to be a sports journalist, etc. All great ideas, but his newest plan is, by far, the best, at least in my opinion.
He wants to start an Internet porn site using user-submitted photos and videos and use advertising to pay for everything. A sort of “Internet pornography tidbits”, if you will.
It’s as ingenious as it is groundbreaking! I mean, think about it: He’s cutting out the cost of models and actors by accepting submissions from his readers, and he’s making his money off of the embedded ads!
And pornography on the Internet!?!? It’s a completely untapped market! It’s one of those ideas that’s been around forever that you kick yourself for not thinking of first, like microwave pizza, or post-it notes, or pornography on the Internet! It’s money in the bank!
And so, after careful consideration, I have decided that I would be crazy NOT to pounce on this idea, so I am stealing his business model and beating him to the punch. I mean, come on! I already have hosting and a web site! All I have to do is start accepting all of your submissions, make a few minor changes to my website (I’ll start by changing it to “mindyourowngoddamnbusiness – in the butt”) and start cashing checks!
Sorry, baby. Market capitalism is a ruthless business, and my girlfriend’s loose lips have cost you dearly. You snooze, you lose.
So start sending in all of your naked pictures, readers, and rest assured that the compromising photos of you that I have on this website will be paying my bills.
With a readership that includes my little sister and a lot of males approaching 30, I think we can safely say that I am breathlessly awaiting your submissions.
Now that I’m thinking about it, I did miss out on a golden opportunity in this vein. When I was in my early 20′s, I had a roommate who, as Christopher “Big Black” Boykin from Rob & Big would say, “Did work” on a lot of good looking girls in Boulder. I’m pretty sure that if we had invested in a web address and a couple of webcams (one for his room and one above his pool table), we could’ve made a pretty big killing. It might have even been enough money to settle all of the lawsuits from girls that had sex with my roommate that we taped without their knowledge. I’m just saying. I’m pretty sure that as long as my roommate could convince them that it was completely necessary for all of the lights to be on and for him to wear an executioner’s hood while he did his thing, we could’ve made a fucking killing.
Anyway, this was originally a part of the post that I’ll be doing next that spiraled completely out of control.
Let me make it up to you with a clip of Rob & Big net-gunning Spiderman.
ROB & BIG BITCH!